Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Happy 2nd Birthday

I am at a loss for words.  Whenever I even think about writing this post it makes the tears begin.  Sitting down and trying to explain how much I miss Timothy on his second birthday is a extremely hard. 

That empty spot in my heart never really goes away.  There are times that I feel like Timothy was a dream.  A sweet little baby that I got to hold in an instant and then I woke up and he was gone.  Could all of that been real?  It is like the most vivid dream that I have ever had.  I have moments when I feel like I have traveled back in time and I'm still there.  I get lost in between this world of reality and dreams.

I love the life that God chose for me.  I know that He is hard at work in my life.  He is growing me, changing me, and  molding me every day.  Many times I feel like I would have chosen a different plan for myself but then I realize everything that I would have missed.  It is the difficult moments in my life that I have been surrounded by wonderful friends and family.  I have learned to be more thankful, more appreciative, and find more joy. 

But...I miss him.  

And so I walk in Faith...because I don't want to do it any other way.