Monday, March 30, 2009

Most people think I am CRAZY!!!

I can hardly believe the support we have received for our first March for Babies! Timothy's team is up to 27 walkers!!! Our team has already collected $375.00 in donations (Thanks to several of my readers!). I am not very good at this fundraising thing but I thought I would just do my best. Below is my fundraising letter. I have been told by many people that I am crazy!

I like "cooking for Timothy". I feel like this is a very motherly thing for me to do. I will never get to make him all of the dinners that I wanted too, and I feel like there isn't a better way for me to raise money in his honor.

If you live local (sorry I haven't been able to figure out how to ship these frozen meals!) and would like to place an order, I would love to cook for you! You can click on my email button on my side bar and place your order. Just leave me your name, phone number, address and order.



Dear friends, family and fellow walkers,

I am filled with excitement! I can hardly wait until May 3rd!

In memory of Timothy, our family and many of our friends are going to join the March for Babies and walk 3.5 miles to raise awareness, find treatment, and prevent premature babies, birth defects and infant mortality.

We would like to personally invite everyone to join our team and walk with us. We would be thrilled and honored to have a huge group to ROCK that stadium! Signing up is simple. Just click on the link below and click on the “walk with me” button. The walk is 3.5 miles and will be at a slow pace because we will have a bunch of little children with us…which mean’s you are also welcome to bring your little ones!

Below are a few ways that you can help our walk... and you could end up with some really cool stuff!

1) I will be taking your pizza orders!!! I plan to personally slave over a hot stove for hours making hundreds of pizza’s just to feed YOUR family! I love to have a freezer full of food so I can give my children a healthy meal without cooking all day long. One of my favorite dishes is pizza. I will be putting these pizza’s together for you to have in your freezer for a wonderful, quick, healthy and fun dinner. I will be using a fully cooked prepared pizza crust and adding all the necessary ingredients in separate bags. I will package all the items together and flash freezing them for you. When you are ready for your own “Jennifer” made dinner all you have to do is pull it out of the freezer, slightly thaw the ingredients, put everything together, then…presto…DINNER!

You will be able to order Cheese, Pepperoni, or Hawaiian. The price will be 2-12 inch pizzas for $12.00. About $5.00 for each order will go directly to our March for Babies. You can order as many as you would like…the more the better! I will have several meet and greet times available for pizza pick-up…dates to be determined. If any of those dates won’t work for you, no problem, we will make a special meeting!


2) What would dinner be without dessert?? I will make a full pan of cinnamon rolls for your enjoyment. These will also be flash frozen. All you have to do is take them out of your freezer about 30 minutes prior to baking, put in the oven for 20-25 minutes and you have 12 hot, homemade cinnamon rolls. You can use them for breakfast, dessert, or a midnight snack (my favorite).

They will be available for a small fee of $6.00 per pan of 12 rolls. About $3.00 will go towards our walk.

3) Have you ever wanted to attend one of those fun and energizing girl nights out where you get to explore your wild creative side? I am planning on hosting a Stamping up Party! I know…I have heard all the excuses. I’m not creative…I can’t do that… But I am here to tell you that is not the case! Tani McCann, our wonderful coordinator, puts everything together for us. She even makes a template for us to follow! We will all be able to go home with 6 beautiful handmade cards that will either sit in our drawers (like mine) or will be sent to someone very special…like me (hint, hint). As an extra incentive I might just bring a couple pans of those delicious cinnamon rolls you have heard all about!

The party will be Friday April 17th at 6:30 pm. We will be able to talk and create together until about 9:00 pm! The party will be at Tani’s house in Kent. Please let me know if you plan to come so that I can arrange enough supplies for everyone. I will send you her address.

The cost for this fun filled event will be $10.00 per person. $5.00 for each guest and 20% of all orders will go directly to our team walk (Thank you Tani for donating so much of your time and resources for this event!).

I would like to thank everyone for joining us on this journey over the last year. You have loved Timothy and allowed him to become part of all of our lives even after we lost him. Your prayers and support have meant more to our family then I can begin to explain.

If you would like to visit my team page please go to
http://www.marchforbabies.org/timothysteam. There is a really cute picture of Timothy for you to enjoy!

If you would like to get caught up with our family you can visit
www.timothyjamescurrey.blogspot.com.


Love,

Jennifer and family


To place an order:

Please respond to this email. Provide your Name, Phone Number, Address and Order. Don’t forget to add your pizza preference (mix and match is okay).

Friday, March 27, 2009

A sneek peek

Did I ever tell you how much I love my job?

I love my coworkers...

I love my patients...

I love me boss...

I love my ultrasound!

This video isn't wonderful but I just had to try to show you our daughter...or do I mean son??

I can tell you that it is very hard to do an ultrasound on yourself and keep track of a wiggly little guy while at the same time take video (by yourself) of the ultrasound screen. I really do love watching her squirm like that! Every time she opens her hands to wave at me, she makes me happy. It is awesome to get to know him more and see him open his mouth and smack his lips like he can't wait to eat!

video

Monday, March 23, 2009

Stellan

I am sitting here enjoying a mocha listening to Kadin strum on the guitar and praying for Stellan.

If you have a moment please skip over to Mck Mama's blog and see how little Stellen is doing. Please join me while I pray for this little guy until he has another miraculous healing. God has saved "Mck Muffin" once before...I just know he can do it again.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Thank you!!!

I feel so blessed and honored to have received so much generous support from everyone! I am having a hard time containing my excitement for this walk and can hardly sleep at night right now (did you notice the post time?! ...1:15 am)

In the last 48 hours we have received $195.00 in donations and we have 16 walkers!!! Yes...16 walkers! Okay...7 of them are children, but I can't wait to see "Timothy's Team" ROCK that stadium!

I am busy trying to come up with some exciting fundraising ideas, so stay tuned, more excitement to come!

Let me just say it again...Thank you...Thank you...Thank you!!!!!!! YEA!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

March for Babies

In the midst of all that has been going on with us, I have just learned that the March for Babies walk is right around the corner!

This will be our first year participating in the March for Babies and are excited and plan on making this an annual tradition.

We would be both honored and thrilled if you would like to join "Timothy's Team" and walk with us. We are planning to bring our children (which means a slow pace!) and are excited for a day filled with fun. We are going order personalized t-shirts so please let me know as soon as possible if you would like to walk with us.

If you are unable to walk with us but would like to sponsor Timothy's Team with a donation you can click on the side bar or go to the March for Babies website. You might wonder why I chose $412.00 as my fundraising goal...Timothy's birth weight was 4 pounds 12 ounces! What a great goal for my first year!!

If you have any great fundraising ideas for me please let me know! I am new at this...

5/3/2009 9:30:00 AM
Qwest Field
800 Occidental Ave S Seattle, WA 98134
Walk Distance:3.5miles
Registration Time: 8:00AM
Start Time:9:30 AM
Chapter:Greater Puget Sound Division
Phone #: (206) 624-1373

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

SPAL

Have you ever heard the term SPAL?

It wasn't until recently that I became acquainted with it myself. It stands for Subsequent Pregnancy After Loss. If you are a blogger and live in deadbabyland, it is a term that you are not only familiar with but in many cases you are desperate for.

I know that many babylossmommies that read my blog may have had a hard time reading about Mocha. I would like to tell each and every one of you that I am praying and will continue to pray that God will complete your families and you will find your self preparing for your rainbow baby soon.

I would like to be completely honest about my SPAL. Putting these feelings into words and on paper is extremely hard.

About 12 weeks after we lost Timothy I found myself taking a pregnancy test. As soon as the faint line began to appear, I fell to my knees in tears. These were not tears of joy. They were tears of fear.

Going through a SPAL is one of the most difficult experiences I have ever experienced. It is not easy. It has not made everything better. In fact, it has complicated my grief more then I can explain. I struggle with guilt, I struggle with fear, I even struggle with bonding (which of course makes me struggle with more guilt and fear!).

I wanted to wait until I could feel an abundance of joy before I told our friends and family about Mocha, so I waited...and I waited...and I waited. I began to feel my tummy grow and started to feel him move inside of me. And although those moments with her did bring me joy, they didn't take away any of the difficult thoughts and emotions that I have been having.

A few weeks ago my family began to tell me that I couldn't hide much longer and I would have to tell soon. So we decided that it would be through tears that I would have to make the wonderful announcement. I have been really scared to tell everyone about Mocha. I was frightened about their reactions. Would they tell me that it is too soon? Would they look at me with that "look" in their eyes that say's "What were you thinking?" Would they assume that now I am okay since I have "moved on"?

So far almost everyone has been wonderful! They have hugged me and told me that they are happy for us. They tell me how much they love the Currey kid's smiles and can't wait to see another one. I have had a couple hurtful comments... "So, I hear that you decided to do it again right away." (how do I even respond to that?). And after telling someone how hard it is emotionally she told me that I shouldn't struggle with fear or bonding...Yea, like it is that easy and I want to feel this way!

I am excited and thrilled at the thought of bringing home a little brother or sister for our children, but it is really hard to believe. God chose to give us Timothy and he chose to take him away. God has given us another blessing, I just don't know what his long term plans are...

Right now I have been struggling with some extreme fatigue. I'm sure that it is a combination of the pregnancy, emotions, lack of sleep, and trying to keep up with 3 kids and the house. Please join me in prayer for my emotions and my fatigue (and thank God that the nausea and vomiting are gone!!!).

Monday, March 9, 2009

Gravida....Para

Today I went to my first ob visit. I know, most people will think that I am crazy waiting so long to go but I had a really hard time making myself go back to the office again. My Dr has been completely understanding and agreed to order the ultrasound prior to my first visit.

So today as I was going over my history with a new nurse I noticed she wrote down that I am gravida 6 para 3.

You may not know what these numbers mean. Here is a quick overview. Gravida is the number of pregnancy's that you have had and Para is the number of babies you have delivered.

She is correct...I am gravida 6. My first pregnancy was a 10 week miscarriage, 3 normal pregnancy's, 1 trisomy 18 pregnancy, and now.

But I quickly told her that I should be para 4. She told me that I am para 3. I explained that I carried full term and delivered a little boy that lived for almost 3 hours. She said that she is going to put him in the "not living" section and keep me at para 3. I explained again that he was born alive and I should be para 4 (I even told her that I do this for a living and I know that I am para 4!). She looked at me for a minute and said we will "figure this out" as she left the room.

I wanted to scream and cry..."HE COUNTS!!!! DON"T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME. HE LIVED, HE IS MINE, HE COUNTS!!!!"

My Doctor quickly confirmed that I am para 4 which helped me calm down but I was hurt and frustrated that para 3 was written on my chart and I don't even know if it was changed.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Mocha revealed

A bunch of people have a bunch of questions! Since no one in blogger land and very, very few friends/family knew about this, they want answers!


One of the biggest questions is how far along are you...

18 weeks


due date...

August 6th, 2009. It happens to be 1 year and 4 days after Timothy's due date, and 6 days after his first birthday.



Nickname...


Mocha. For many reasons we have fallen in love with this nickname. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I began to crave mocha's. I mean I NEED them! I don't normally drink coffee at all but he/she had other idea's (don't worry too much...the one I drink only has 35 mg of caffeine per cup and I limit myself to a few per week). My husband is a coffee-oholic. We can't drive past a Starbucks with out him getting a cup. I love chocolate (which is the main ingredient in a mocha)!!! And it is a cute gender neutral name.


Gender...

Yep and Nope. As Mocha's mommy and daddy, we get to know! But in case you are wondering...we aren't going to share! Heee Heeee


Health...

We went to our formal ultrasound this week and Mocha looks WONDERFUL. He is kicking and squirming, opening all of his fingers to wave to us, and making faces at us. She is measuring right on date. She is perfect in every way!



How did I keep this a secret for SO long...

Lots of hiding out in my house during the nausea and vomiting stage. A wonderful husband that "covered" for me while I was skipping church and events. And wearing lots of big clothes with zip up jackets.



Why did I keep this a secret for so long...

This is the big/hard one. I will start by saying that this has thrown me over the edge emotionally. I want to share more about this but it is little too much right now, as I have so much to tell. For now please understand that I am not able to treat this like a "normal" pregnancy and although I am filled with joy I am also filled with many more emotions.

Friday, March 6, 2009

The Gift...

Just me walking on the beach...



all by myself....



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Maybe not!






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We are thrilled to introduce...


Timothy's little brother or sister!



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Thursday, March 5, 2009

A gift...

Someone has given us the most beautiful gift!!!! I can't wait to get the pictures ready so I can show everyone!



Stay tuned...I will post more soon

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

In the Sand

Feeling inspired by Carly I decided to write all of our children's name in the Hawaiian sand. These pictures were taken on the Kaanapali beach. I must admit that they were extremely difficult to take. We had to figure out the lighting, write the names very quickly, and take the pictures (without footprints in the sand)...all before a wave took the name away.







Making memories

Since I started having little ones around the house I have been a mommy that is obsessed with taking pictures, collecting artwork, gathering keepsakes, and making memories. Whenever I capture the perfect picture or pack away a favorite outfit I have always thought about the moment 10 or 20 years from now when I would be able to share these treasures with the child that has helped me have such wonderful memories. I think about showing the cute bare bum pictures to girlfriends and giggling together as they see all the messy faces that I have cleaned up. I dream of day that I will get to see them dress their new babies in the outfits that they were once dressed in.

I have struggled with this since I have lost Timothy. There are days that I look through his keepsakes and I will start to think about how much he will love them. Then I quickly remember that he will never even see them. His girlfriend will never see his first moment picture and his son will never wear his first outfit or be wraped in his blanket. He will never know the amount of love or the number of tears that I have put into his box.


If I am going to be really honest I often feel a little bitter when I realize this (over and over again). I often wonder why I keep adding to his box. I really have to sit back and listen to my heart. I remember that Timothy is my precious son and even though he will not be able to share these treasures with me, I still want to give them to him. His box is for his family to love. A place for us to remember, to heal, and to treasure.


I just added a special new item to his box. I bought him a cute little tiny baby bracelet in Hawaii. I got one for each of my special children, however, theirs might end up lost or broken before they make it into their box :-)
Here is just a couple of my favorite things from his box. A blanket that my mother made for him with love, the outfit that he wore while he was in our arms, a record of his heartbeat while he was safe in my tummy, a beautiful picture of him getting his first diaper, his hand and foot mold (complete with new bracelet), and his memorial book that was made personally for him by our wonderful friend Denise.