Thursday, May 29, 2008

Prayer request

I would like to send a prayer request to all of our prayer warriors. This weekend will prove to be a hard one for us. We will need everyone in prayer to get us through.

It is time for us to start making some big decisions for Timothy. First, we need to put our birth plan together. Unfortunately this means making major medical decisions before we even meet him. We have been thinking and praying about these decisions for a while but it seems so final to put them into a written birth plan. I know that we can change the plan at any time but the point to making it up a head of time is so we are making the best decisions for Timothy not for us. One example would be; we have to decide if we would like full CPR given at birth including intubation or if we would like to allow him to pass peacefully from our arms into Jesus' hands.

We have an appointment with the funeral home to make final arrangements and plan to go to the cemetery to see "baby land".

I have already purchased a couple of preemie outfits in case something happened without warning, but we are going to go shopping for Timothy's special outfit, and a couple other special items. After we are done with all that Kevin and I plan on going out on a date night.

This has been a difficult week for me. Each day that goes by is a day closer to Saturday. I haven't been able to do much around the house. I have spent a lot of time on my couch looking out the window. No real thoughts in my head, just staring into space, crying at times and numb at others.

I can't really describe to you how it feels to make these plans. It is something that we shouldn't be doing. I don't want this to happen. I want this to be a dream so I can wake up and have keep. My heart is broken and although I have my good moments I know that the unavoidable is approaching.

I know that these plans will be taking affect in the next few weeks. I will have to go to the hospital. I will have to say hello and goodbye. Most likely they will be said in the same day. If God allows, we might have some time with Timothy and be able to bring him home. I would love to be able bring him to church and dedicate him, as well as introduce him to our friends. But even if we are blessed to have him for a short time I know that he won't be with us for long. And I grieve the thought of loosing him.

Here are some specific prayer requests for us:

That my children will have a great time with grandma and grandpa, and I won't worry about them.

That Kevin and I are able to come together and agree on both medical decisions as well as final arrangements.

That Kevin and I draw together and lean on each other.

That God gives us strength.


That we are able to look back on this day with peace and joy.

Monday, May 26, 2008


We made it home! Thank you to everyone that prayed for good worked! On Friday we were debating canceling the trip or changing locations but decided to go and just enjoy the rain.

We ended up leaving a little later then planned on Friday (mostly because I didn't get all the packing done on time), and traffic was a little thick but we arrived in Teanaway Washington at about 8:00 pm. We had just enough light to pop up the trailer, then put the kids to bed. The Wagners were shortly behind us and after a few minutes of talking we tucked ourselves into bed and planned for rain in the morning.

When we got up in the morning we were quite surprised to see SUN. We spent the morning taking walks, watching the kids ride bikes, and throwing rocks in the river. I even tried Ziploc omelets for the first time. I was thrilled when the Earnhardts came for lunch and we were able to play with them for a while. Before we knew it the day was over and we were lighting up the fire for smores. We didn't have to worry about giving the kids too much sugar before bed because they were out before their heads hit the pillows. The adults stayed up enjoying the night air and roasting marshmallows together until it started to sprinkle. We were able to clean up and get inside the trailers just minutes before the down poor. Which would have been great if it wasn't for the fact that we don't have a bathroom in our trailer and I have that big pregnant belly causing me to have to go to the bathroom every couple of hours!

Sunday morning was definitely the highlight of the weekend. I was very worried about having to go to the hospital during the camping trip. Well, that is where we ended up...

Thankfully it wasn't for me and Timothy! My darling husband was the ER victim. Kevin made his ritual cup of boiling hot coffee and while attempting to sit in the chair by the fire the paper cup exploded and he ended up with large burns on his right arm and abdomen. After the diagnosis of second degree burns and a prescription for some pain medicine (which he refused to take except to sleep) we were back to the campsite by lunch.

Before dinner we decided it was time to go see the water fall. It is about a 30 minute drive up the mountain from the campsite and a wonderful place to get family pictures. As we were driving we began spying patches of snow. Before we know it, we were about the get our van stuck in the snow and decided to stop and turn around. Before we went back to the campsite, we hiked around and really enjoyed the snow. Kevin and Kadin were in sandals and no one had coats, but it was sooo much fun. Austin and Gabe rolled around in the snow until they were soaking wet!

As we got back for dinner we were blessed with the full storm experience. We had rain with lightning and thunder. I'm not talking thunder that is miles away, I mean it was right on top of us and LOUD. The storm passed within 45 minutes and we were able to make another campfire and enjoy the evening.

Just a recap; we had sun, rain, snow, sleet, thunder, lightening, and clouds all in 2 days.

We came home and had pizza and movie night with the kids. Now they are tucked into bed. I don't think that they are asleep yet but I'm sure that it won't take long. I will try to post some pictures tomorrow.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Getting Ready for Camping

I have spent the last couple of days getting ready for camping. I have completed loads of laundry, shampooed the carpets, washed my floors, and done the shopping. I still have a lot of work to do. I need to pack for everyone (except Kevin-he has to do his own packing!). Since the weather is not going to be as nice as I would have liked; I have to pack a lot of supplies. We need a ton of-just in case-stuff. Including things for sunny moments, rainy days, cold nights, and clothes to play in the river and get muddy.

I find myself lost in the details, but at the same time struggling. I am almost 30 weeks now. I keep wondering if this will be our only camping trip with Timothy. We will be about 2 hours away from our hospital and I am a little concerned about pre-term labor or complications. I struggle with the unknown, it is hard for me to have absolutely no control. I remember when I was 20 weeks and struggled with the thought of keeping him safe for another 20 weeks. Now I realize that I have less then 10 weeks to go. Suddenly I feel like this is going to be over soon and I'm not ready.

But none the less I am excited to go and can't wait for our first family camping trip of the year. I stocked up on band aids and marshmallows; we are sure to be prepared for anything. Please pray that we have good weather and a great time. I will post pictures as soon as we return!

Monday, May 19, 2008

A Wonderful Weekend

I spent the last 3 days on a glorious women's retreat with no cooking, cleaning, or children (except for Timothy). Myself and about 140 of my closest friends went to Cedar Springs Christian Retreat Center in Sumas Washington. We had beautiful gardens and trails with wonderful food and fellowship. I had a great time but it was a very emotional weekend for me.

Friday we had a short session with lively music, a wonderful game show (the price is right), and we were introduced to our speaker Cynthia Cavanaugh. Then we were off to have some fun with our friends. We played some games and talked together for a couple of hours. Afterwards I went to our room with my roommates Tani and Karen. We stayed up until 2:30 in the morning giggling and talking. In fact, we later found out that our room was up the latest and we were a little louder then the others. But that had nothing to do with was all Tani's fault!

I was so proud of myself on Saturday morning. The session began with some powerful music. Most of you know that music is what causes me to break down. I did, along with several of my friends, but I didn't leave. I was able to stay and face my emotions with my friends by my side.

When Cynthia started her lesson she began with a question. "Is God enough in your lives?" I really wish that I could say that I heard the rest of that session because I'm sure that she had wonderful points, but I didn't. I just kept asking my self that question, over and over. God clearly wanted me to answer it. There are days when I would have said NO!! And as I started thinking about those difficult days I thought about what I do to get through them. I call a friend, my sister, or my mom, and on some of those days I spend the entire day on the computer. Reading stories of other moms with Trisomy 18 babies or angels. I began to realize that in those moments, God provides me with "enough". He is using those friends, family members and sometimes even the internet to speak directly to my heart, to give me comfort.

I am happy to say that by the time the morning session was over I had an answer to that question. Yes, God is enough.

During the weekend I was able to catch up with old friends, make some new friends, and get to know acquaintances better. I shared more tears then I can count, and was almost rolling on the floor in laughter. One of my favorite highlights was when a bat came into the conference center during a session. It was quite a bit of fun trying to get it back out!

On the way home I realized how fast the weekend went and regret not having more time with everyone. There were so many friends that I really wanted to spend some time with but only got to see from a distance.

I would like to send a very special thank you to Angie. You were amazing this weekend. You kept us having fun, but at the same time, taught us how to "keep it real". Thank you for loving each one of us, and sharing your story. I have been and will continue praying for both your family and Evan. Your special prayer for Timothy meant so much to me, Thank you!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mothers Day

I woke up this morning to Timothy kicking and breakfast in bed. But with all three kido's jumping on the bed it quickly became a picnic on the floor!

We spent the morning at the Ocean. Well, I guess that you would really say it was the Puget Sound but to us it was the Ocean. We went to the Saltwater State Park in Des Moines. It was a good thing that we brought warm clothes because it was COLD. We were blessed because despite the weather report we did not have any rain. We climbed rocks, looked for shells and threw rocks into the water.

Then we spent the afternoon at my mom's house with my family. We had dinner and cake to celebrate Mother's Day and Janelle's and my birthday.

This was a very good day. It was difficult at times because I know that this will be the only Mothers day that I get to spend with Timothy. I tried not to focus on that fact and just enjoy the day.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Mariners Game

It was a very busy day in the Currey house. It began with Kevin doing yard work all morning. Then I took Austin and Emma to a birthday party at the Bouncy Place while Kevin stayed home to give Kadin his nap. The kids jumped, ran around, and played hard for the party. Then we had to get home to get ready to go to the Marniers game tonight...

This was our first game this year. It is fun to watch our children grow to love it more and more each time we go. They love to meet new people (by the time we leave everyone sitting around us knows our children by name!). We ate nothing but candy and junk food all evening but what else do you really want to eat at a base ball game?. Some friends were with us and Julie took some great pictures of our family (Thank you Julie). Austin was able to sit with his friends for a while and Kadin loved cheering with all the fans. Emma had a great time dancing to the music. Since the game didn't start until 7:05 we knew that we wouldn't be able to stay for the entire game and choose to leave just before 9:00. The Mairners were down 6 to 1 in the 4th inning. But they were playing hard and they could still win. When we got to the car we changed the Kids into their Jammie's and they were asleep before we hit the highway. So Kevin and I decided to stop for Krispy Cremes for donuts (of course we needed more sugar!). We ate donuts in the car and Kevin commented that even though we have 3 children, we can still have late night dates! All we have to do is keep them busy all day, put them in the car, and drive around until they fall asleep!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Note from Dad

So, often times you find that this is great outlet for mothers to vent their feelings, and often times you don't hear from the dads that are going through this, and what they are feeling.

Well, Jen has done a wonderful job documenting our journey. It is, in my view, hard for a man in these situations to let down his guard, and have a soft shoulder for his wife.

As men, we are to be strong, protect, and be an example for God. It wasn't till 26 weeks along until I shed my first tear. We had a church event and the message was to have a faithful heart and trust God. Granted, I might have missed some of the message as I had to step out a few times, but this was what God wanted me to hear. As it hit me, the only thing I could do was call my wife.

It's somewhat funny how God works too. After the church event, my closest friends happened to stick around for games. Our discussion that night will be one that is never forgotten. Thanks gents for the encouragement, love and prayers.....and letting me win!

I tell you men that it is a courageous thing to open up to your wife. More over, opening up to your wife and talking about something as intimate as this is, will bring you together as God intended.

I love our baby boy Timothy. Aside from T18, he is still a Currey; kicking Jen, waking her up to go to the bathroom and loves to jump on her bladder! It is sad that we won't have a long time with him, but as we are going through this, I know God is right next to us and will bless us. Besides, how cool is it that he gets to meet Him sooner then later.

Finally, I want to tell you all that my wife is awesome. She is a loving wife, great mother and strong. Yes, this is a trying time, but I know that we can get through this. My prayer for you men is that you hug your wife, tell her that you love her and be courageous by opening up to her.

Cardiac Evaluation

After long consideration we decided to have a Cardiac Evaluation done on Timothy's heart. We understand that surgical intervention is not in Timothy's best interest but we would like to have an understanding of his survival chances (from a cardiac standpoint) in the event that he is born alive.

Yesterday I went to a pediatric and neonatal cardiac specialist, Dr Lee, and had a fetal echo done. He told us that Timothy has a large VSD that in essence could save his life because he has a Double Outlet of the Right Ventricle.

I will try to explain this. In a normal heart the blood leaves the heart twice. Once to go to the lungs to get oxygen. The second time to take the oxygenated blood to the body. The unoxygenated blood leaves through the right ventricle. The oxygenated blood leaves through the left ventricle.

Timothy does not have the artery attached to his left ventricle he needs to send the oxygenated blood to his body. Instead it is attached to his right ventricle. With out the hole in between his ventricles he would not be able to send oxygen to his body. The hole will allow the oxygen from his left ventricle to mix with the unoxygenated blood and send the partially oxygenated blood to his body. He has the potential to survive with this diagnosis (with out surgical intervention) for an extended period of time. There are some complications that can occur with this diagnosis and he may have "cardiac symptoms" during his life. He may also need the support of oxygen.

I am happy with this diagnosis. I know that there are many Cardiac conditions that will cause death at delivery. Since we don't expect to have Timothy for a long period of time it is comforting to know that (if he survives birth) his heart can sustain life for a while.