Monday, April 19, 2010

flashbacks

I have been having a lot of flashback lately. Intense flashbacks. The take.your.breath.away kind of flashbacks. When it hits I feel like I'm really there. Flashes of moments with Timothy. The moments that we announced our pregnancy with him, the seconds right after we heard about his testing and ultrasound, the waiting room for perinatology, watching his first breath...then his last. They are random, confusing, and take me off guard. They can hit me while I'm driving down the road or in the middle of the night while I'm nursing Mayla. Some make me smile, some make me cry. I have a real love/hate relationship with this. I love many of those memories but some are still too raw to relive.

6 comments:

The Finnestad Family said...

I'm here...and love listening to you share about Timothy. I'd really love to go through his box with you sometime. Drove past the street leading to his park tonight and thought about him too. Let me know if you'd ever like to go together. It's been awhile. I love you Jen!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you there. I have been thinking about Timothy a lot lately. I still remember the time I held him and the little noises he made. Love Mom.

The Williams Five said...

I am here if you want to tell me about some of them! I think of you often! Love you.

The Earnhardt Family said...

I've been thinking of Timothy a lot lately too, and the many ways it's affected you and countless others, the ups and the downs, the blessings and the hurts. Praying for you...

La Kris said...

Even though I was far away during it all... I think about Timothy alot..! God is so good to allow Timothy's life affect so many people... I am praying that He will give you the peace you need during the hardest moments.. and increase your joy during the good times. I too love you and am willing to listen to any stories you want to share. :)

The Finnestad Family said...

It was a Timothy Day today...I'm pretty sure it was for you too, especially with all the sewing you're doing. Abby told her class about him on Friday & we're looking for the perfect picture for her to add to a slideshow for school in May. Always close to our hearts...