Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Going back to church

Yesterday was my first time back to church. I was scared and nervous. I have been skipping church on Sundays because I haven't felt ready to see everyone yet. Kevin went a couple of weeks ago and they gathered with him and prayed. I was glad to hear that they did because he needed that support. But I also knew that I couldn't handle that. I'm not strong enough yet.

I was scared for many reasons. That some people wouldn't want to be around me. That they would be afraid to see me and talk to me because they don't know what to say. I was scared that they would treat me different now. And that I might scare my pregnant friends.

I choose to go last night because it is an event for women only. I knew that I could only handle my friends and didn't want husbands watching me yet. At this event we got to laugh, talk, eat, relax and have a great time. Everyone was wonderful. I received a ton of hugs and shared some tears. My core support group never left my side. These are the girls that have been walking with me through this journey everyday for the last few weeks. They placed me next to them at the table and watch me closely for signs that I was getting overwhelmed. Thank you Karen, Denise, and Lisa.

We had a speaker that shared her personal story about living with breast cancer. She did a wonderful job. I saw strength in her. We all have our own events in life that we have to get through. They are all different but tragic none the less. She showed me that we will get through this; with the help of God, friends and family, the days will go by and there will be an end to this chapter of our life. Someday.

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