Saturday, September 6, 2008

No more simple answers...

A question that comes up at any given time on any given day. A question that you can use to get to know someone or just make small talk. A simple question. A question that might come from anyone... a stranger, a new neighbor, or an old friend. A question that I have always loved. Is now a question that I have no idea how to answer.

Can you guess what it is??

How many children do you have?

How do I begin to answer that question?? I get a pit in my stomach and my heart begins to race. I feel like I have just been put to the test. I normally pause for a second and take a deep breath while I try to determine the best answer at that particular moment.

I know that I haven't figured out the right answer yet. I'm still learning. I do have a goal when I answer but am not sure how to accomplish it. I want to include Timothy in our family and at the same time, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

If I tell someone that I have 4 children but one died shortly after birth they don't know how to respond. Normally they quietly say "Oh...I'm sorry..." and the conversation quickly ends or changes subjects.

At times it has felt inappropriate to include Timothy and I have said that I have 3 children. I then walk away with a tremendous amount of guilt. Did I really just pretend that Timothy wasn't one of my special children??

Please pray that God will whisper words of wisdom in the coming months as I learn how to be the mother of 4 children with one in heaven.


Mrs. Mother said...

I am also trying to find a way to incorporate Jenna when people ask me that. I have just decided to say that I have two, but one was stillborn. I just don't want anyone to forget her.

Anonymous said...

Hello to the Currey Family!
Hope everyone in your family is doing well!
(Big and long sigh..........)
To be honest, I'm not sure how I ended up on your blog, but took interest in the beutiful and colorful web page design you chose!! Little did I know you just went through a very difficult experience.
As I read your last 2 or 3 entries, I had to go back to the very very beginning and read your whole story! My heart goes out to you, your husband, & your kids. Wherever you all are at this moment, may God fill any void, give you all peace, joy and happiness and strength to go on.

As I read your story and tears ....many tears rolled down my cheeks, the first bible verse that came to my mind was;

Mark 12:30. One of the greatest commandments.
30. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

All I can say is that only he knows everything and through this very difficult journey in your life.....he has used you to be an inspiration to me!! You have just inspired me to not give up, continue, and to just look up because God in heaven knows it all NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE IS!! Thank you so much for sharing your story, your family and your beautiful photos!!!!!!
Even though we have never met, you are in my prayers in Victorville, California!! May God conitnue to use you and your family!!
Beautiful blog!!

Myers 3 said...

I like the way you said it when you closed this blog, I think it is perfect... I am the mother of 4 children, with one in heaven.

mom said...

We must be on the same page. Just yesterday I was thinking how to answer the question of how many grandchildren do I have. I am not sure as to how to answer that question either. I also don't want to forget Timothy. As if that would ever be possible. It is just hard to know how to answer that question. My prayers are with you every day. Love mom

noell said...

I've been accessing your blog through my sister-in-law's (Michelle H.) blog.
When I saw you at church last Sunday, I wanted to say something to you but I knew nothing would come out. I know that a hug may be all that needs to be said but I don't know if that would be uncomfortable for you or not. Please know that I think about you and your family often and pray for you as well. ~noell

Anonymous said...

I think you just answered it yourself. You have four and God is keeping Timothy safe in heaven!

The Wagner's said...

Jen- what a tough thing that nobody wants to ever have to even contemplate. Prayers are always with you- hopefully He will give you just the right words for each situation.

Kippy said...

I struggle with the answer to this question as well. Though I haven't lost a child in the same way you have, I placed a daughter for adoption 11 years ago. It's difficult to figure the right answer without making someone uncomfortable or inciting "I'm sorrys". I think the answer "four, one is in Heaven" is a great answer for you.

Amanda Rooney said...

I have 3 here on Earth and 1 in heaven. (I had someone respond to me in this way recently. It is truth. It is sicere. It honor those who are living and the one who rests in the arms of Jesus.)

Jennie Bender said...

"I am the mother of three children, Sabrina, and Elaine, who is in Heaven, and Darcy."

I choose to count my baby girl every time someone asks me, "I have two children living with me and I have one in Heaven."

I CHOOSE to remember and not to FORGET.

Trisomy 18 was a part of the story God wrote in my life. Elaine was a GIFT God gave me to see for moment but hold in my heart forever.

I shall have her for eternity--one day.

A child is an eternal soul, no matter how small.

I will see her face again because Christ liveth in me and I am going where SHE is.