I can hardly believe that today marked the 3 month anniversary since we held Timothy. It has been filled with so much emotion; excitement, fear and joy.
Many of you already know my closest friend, Karen. She was with me the day that we received Timothy's diagnosis, the day he was born, and the day he was buried. Many of you may not know that she was also expecting her 5th child through out all of these up's and down's.
I finally received the call late last night. Karen was going to the hospital to deliver her little boy, Jonathan.
I was instantly excited. I couldn't wait to see this little man that I already loved so much. Her sister (a close friend of mine) and I spent the night in the waiting room talking, giggling, pacing and praying. Finally at 5:00 am we had to go home to allow our husbands to go to work.
During the night I had many flashbacks to my labor with Timothy. I could vividly remember the smells in my room and I remembered watching and hearing the decelerations on the monitor. I remembered praying that we would be able to have some time with him.
There were moments today, while I was waiting for baby Jonathan, that I was almost paralyzed in fear. I have a real understanding of the complications that can occur and how instantly a happy ending can turn into a real life nightmare. I desperately needed God to put his loving protecting hands on both Karen and Jonathan through out the labor. I waited at home with constant prayers on my lips and many tears in my eyes for the news that he was safe and sound in his mommy's arms.
I finally felt true joy when I heard that he had arrived at 10:21 am, weighing 7 pounds 11 ounces and 18.5 inches long. He is a beautiful, precious, wonderfully made child of God.
Karen- I am so proud of you! Your strength and courage have amazed me since the first day that I met you. You are the most wonderful mother and wife that I know. Thank you for your friendship, your support, and for sharing your wonderful family with mine.
Many of you already know my closest friend, Karen. She was with me the day that we received Timothy's diagnosis, the day he was born, and the day he was buried. Many of you may not know that she was also expecting her 5th child through out all of these up's and down's.
I finally received the call late last night. Karen was going to the hospital to deliver her little boy, Jonathan.
I was instantly excited. I couldn't wait to see this little man that I already loved so much. Her sister (a close friend of mine) and I spent the night in the waiting room talking, giggling, pacing and praying. Finally at 5:00 am we had to go home to allow our husbands to go to work.
During the night I had many flashbacks to my labor with Timothy. I could vividly remember the smells in my room and I remembered watching and hearing the decelerations on the monitor. I remembered praying that we would be able to have some time with him.
There were moments today, while I was waiting for baby Jonathan, that I was almost paralyzed in fear. I have a real understanding of the complications that can occur and how instantly a happy ending can turn into a real life nightmare. I desperately needed God to put his loving protecting hands on both Karen and Jonathan through out the labor. I waited at home with constant prayers on my lips and many tears in my eyes for the news that he was safe and sound in his mommy's arms.
I finally felt true joy when I heard that he had arrived at 10:21 am, weighing 7 pounds 11 ounces and 18.5 inches long. He is a beautiful, precious, wonderfully made child of God.
Karen- I am so proud of you! Your strength and courage have amazed me since the first day that I met you. You are the most wonderful mother and wife that I know. Thank you for your friendship, your support, and for sharing your wonderful family with mine.
Timothy- I held your best friend today! Everytime I watch him grow I will think about you. When I see him take his first steps I will see you taking those steps with him, and when he is running around the yard I will see you winning the race. I will find joy in every moment that I am blessed to experience with your little buddy, Jonathan.
Karen and I are pregnant with Jonathan and Timothy
7 comments:
Tears fill my eyes as I read your blog. Such a bittersweet day, rejoicing in Jonathan's birth, mourning over Timothy, wishing they could be best friends here on earth, yet knowing that cannot be.
I'm so glad you and the kids got to meet and hold Baby Jonathan today. He will be so loved, in ways he will never fully understand. Although Timothy is not with us, we love him DEARLY and he holds a very special place in our hearts.
I'm so very joyful for the relationship you and Karen have. It is not one taken lightly, it runs deep and is cherished. You are BOTH amazing, to say the least.
I am also crying after reading your blog. What a great opportunity for you to go to another birth and experience joy as well as some of the pain from Timothy's birth. And who better for you to experience all that than with the birth of Karen's new little one! I am so thankful for the relationship you have with Karen.
I have a "Karen", her name is Chelle. She has been my rock. The Lord gave her to me a long time ago. She is about 8-10 years older than me. She has helped me so!
Your Karen's sweet one is just lovely. He is a doll (if boys can be dolls!).
I hope you are doing well. Just remember, a small victory is a GREAT VICTORY everyday! Every tiny thing is a step in the right direction.
What you have done and continue to do takes brazen courage. You have embraced what the most would shrink at in fear if it were offered to them. I think you are just wonderful. I am glad to have found you.
Love to your sweet family,
Jennie
I love your picture! Aren't you glad you have those? I don't have many pics of my pregnancy. I guess I should have taken more, I was just too heartbroken. I have a few...and I am thankful for those=)
Love to you, sweet friend.
Praying for you.
Jennie
I don't feel I have any "footsteps". It is still a daily journey. There are days I don't want "to stand up straight with my shoulders back and down"--but I try. Had it not been for the Lord Jesus in my heart, I know I would be consumed. He has helped me. His hand is always good. Praying for you, sweet friend.
you can email me--it is in my profile link=)
I hope you are having a good day!
Hey, it's me again, I left you a note on your post--"God's timing and prepairation"
I am so, so grateful for your friendship. I am so thankful that - "you know". Without me saying a word, you understood why I couldn't stop crying when Jonathan was born. How I rejoiced that he was safely here and yet mourned at the same time...how I was literally in two places at once as I watched his heart rate drop and wanted you to be there, but didn't want you to be there at the same time. "You know" my heart and I praise God for you.
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