Thursday, November 6, 2008


I am beginning to recognize a pattern beginning in my life. I will have a period of peace, followed by a day of frantic cleaning, then a day of quiet reflection.

Today I am enjoying my day of reflection. I have spent much of my time sitting on the couch looking out my window, just thinking.

I find myself getting ready to do some things that I haven't been able to do yet. I want to start Timothy's scrapbook, and I want it to be perfect. Wouldn't it be great if I could get it done by Christmas? I am also beginning to think about some grief counseling. I still don't know if I am ready yet but I think in the next couple of months I will be making that call. So, Angie, get ready and be prepared for a mommy with a broken heart. I am also thinking that I might be ready to watch all of the video we took of Timmy and make it into a little movie that we can share with our friends and family that didn't get to meet him.

I am trying not to reflect on the things that I can't change. I can't bring him back...but I can honor his memory. I can't go back and fix all of those things that I regret...but I can remember and enjoy all of my favorite memories. I can't give him any more hugs or kisses and I will never be able to hold him again...but I can give all my love to my other 3 children and my husband, so I will never wish I had given them more.

I am trying to come up with a great way to honor Timothy's memory this Christmas. I would love any suggestions that my wonderful blog readers might come up with...


Jennie Bender said...

Do what is in your heart. You will find it.

My husband brings me gerbera daisies, the brightest he can find on my Elaine's birthday. He is precious. They were and are my pick to remember my sweet girl, they say to me--a spunky girl was here and she was loved!

We have Elaine's shoes, baby ornament with her name and birth date on it, and also, a sweet "fairy/angel" ornament. It has the ribbons from her flowers as her ballerina skirt. I made the skirt for her out of her bright pink ribbons from her casket/flower spray(the fairy angel came with her burial clothes--the sweet ladies who made it put it in with her things they had crocheted.)

I am praying the Lord will sell our house soon and that I will have a room for sewing/designing. I would love to sew beautiful dresses/outfits for these sweet ones.

Do what is in your heart. It will be honorable.

Praying for you=)

Anonymous said...

One of the ideas I have heard about through the Bridges program in Tacoma is for the family to choose a special Christmas ornament each year in memory of their loved one and place it on their Christmas tree marked with the date and reason why the particular ornament was chosen.

Nold Family said...

I really like the ornament idea. I had thought of it too because it's been a family tradition for us to always buy our children a new ornament each year. Timothy is your child and that would be a sweet way to remember Him. You are sure to come up with a very meaningful and special way to honor and remember your sweet boy.