Sunday, December 28, 2008

Our First Christmas

Christmas in our home was beautiful. Lot's of excitement as the kids made gingerbread houses at Grandma and Grandpa's house and opened more presents then we could count.

The best part? We had our first white Christmas in 18 years! A beautiful day to spend with family playing in the snow, making a huge snowman, and enjoying the birth of our Savior.

But many friends have noticed that I have been silent on my blog and they are wondering how I'm doing through the holidays. Some have asked me how I am doing and I have (almost) always given them my generic answer...fine, or good, or okay, and sometimes even great. They give me the a questioning look that asks me "Really? Are you lying to me?" They know me so well. Yes, I have been lying to most of you. The holiday's are very hard. There were days in the last few weeks that I just survived, moved through the minutes and struggled to keep myself together.

I am blessed by such wonderful friends. I have heard countless stories of mommies that felt like no one remembered the precious children that they have lost. I am so thankful that so many people have loved and cared about Timothy and remember him with me. I have received more hugs this year then I ever thought possible.

About 1 week ago we went to celebrate Christmas with Timothy. Our family and friends joined us for Christmas carols, Christmas tree decorating, and candy canes. To make our first annual Christmas visit even more memorable...snow! Even though it was bitter cold and our hands were too cold and numb to finish decorating the tree it was a great time to celebrate Timothy's life and remember him during this holiday season.

As much as I dislike the difficult emotions that we have faced throughout the last year I am forever grateful for Timothy's life. I love how he has changed me. I love how he has changed my family. I love how he has changed my friends. I don't fully understand God's plan and at times I find myself searching my heart and soul for answers to the questions that I have. Most of those questions remain unanswered, but I trust that the Lord my God has a plan and with His awesome, powerful, sovereign, love He choose to bless our family with a tiny little boy that lived for 2 hours and 50 minutes that we will love and miss for the rest of our lives.


The Earnhardt Family said...

Didn't your mom teach you not to lie... ;-) I think it's understandable in this case. Although I wish the circumstances were better, I too am thankful for the positive changes that have occured in all of us thus far. (many "forever more" changes)

The Puyallup Earnhardts said...

Merry Christmas Jen. I know God's peace will find you.

aaron♥michelle said...

I appreciate you Jen. Thank you for your friendship.

The Finnestad Family said...

You can't lie to me...I'll hunt down the truth. But you know that you don't need to lie either. Thank you for allowing us to join your celebration of Christmas and of Timothy's life. What a great memory!

Jennie Bender said...

Praying for you.

Shannon said...

It's soooo easy to turn your focus away from the bigger picture. Especially since losing a child is just not part of the natural order of things.

I pray for your family's strength in seeing God's plan and His goodness.

Mrs. Mother said...

What a sweet way to celebrate Christmas with your son. He is never forgotten. Christmas was hard on us this year, too, and probably always will be due to the fact Jenna was due that day. Big hugs to you.