Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Making memories

Since I started having little ones around the house I have been a mommy that is obsessed with taking pictures, collecting artwork, gathering keepsakes, and making memories. Whenever I capture the perfect picture or pack away a favorite outfit I have always thought about the moment 10 or 20 years from now when I would be able to share these treasures with the child that has helped me have such wonderful memories. I think about showing the cute bare bum pictures to girlfriends and giggling together as they see all the messy faces that I have cleaned up. I dream of day that I will get to see them dress their new babies in the outfits that they were once dressed in.

I have struggled with this since I have lost Timothy. There are days that I look through his keepsakes and I will start to think about how much he will love them. Then I quickly remember that he will never even see them. His girlfriend will never see his first moment picture and his son will never wear his first outfit or be wraped in his blanket. He will never know the amount of love or the number of tears that I have put into his box.

If I am going to be really honest I often feel a little bitter when I realize this (over and over again). I often wonder why I keep adding to his box. I really have to sit back and listen to my heart. I remember that Timothy is my precious son and even though he will not be able to share these treasures with me, I still want to give them to him. His box is for his family to love. A place for us to remember, to heal, and to treasure.

I just added a special new item to his box. I bought him a cute little tiny baby bracelet in Hawaii. I got one for each of my special children, however, theirs might end up lost or broken before they make it into their box :-)
Here is just a couple of my favorite things from his box. A blanket that my mother made for him with love, the outfit that he wore while he was in our arms, a record of his heartbeat while he was safe in my tummy, a beautiful picture of him getting his first diaper, his hand and foot mold (complete with new bracelet), and his memorial book that was made personally for him by our wonderful friend Denise.


Icantletitgo said...

For this very reason, this is why I continues to build a scrapbook of my son.

I like that you bought him a bracelet too. I've had thoughts of buying or doing things from my son, and then I feel odd about them(like is this crazy lady stuff?) since he's passed and wouldn't be able to enjoy them. I'm glad to see that other mother's do the same things I desire to do, and from now on, will go ahead and do.

Anonymous said...

I haven't read your blog yet but scrolled to see the pictures and i absolutley LOVE his foot and hand sculptures :) How precious! I will read your blog later when i have more time :)
Love ya,

Jess said...

I very much still build memories of Samuel and add to his collection and I'm glad you do, too. I definitely don't think it's crazy. I buy him things--mostly things to take to the cemetery, but other things, too that I think he would like. I don't think it's crazy. I think it's very special and healing.

Timothy's hand and foot molds are incredible (and look adorable with the bracelet on)! I didn't realize you could even make that kind. The kind Samuel made for me are just his hands and feet pressed into clay. And I only got one hand--he wouldn't cooperate with the other, but that's okay! Boys will be boys, right?

mom said...

I was there when you bought that precious bracelet and I thought it was wonderful. The love you put into it to make sure that it would fit, going from one place to the other. And then to see it on that little wrist. Wow. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful daughter who loves her son so much that she thinks of all those special things to do. Love mom