Doctor Appointment and Ultrasound

I had my appointment with Dr Shope today along with a formal ultrasound. This was my 8th ultrasound in the last 15 weeks. I was told that Timothy weights about 2 lbs 14 oz. Most babies his age weigh closer to 4 lbs. He looks like he is doing well right now. My fluid levels are high (polyhydramnios), and his growth are my biggest concerns at this time. He, of course, is the cutest baby ever. He has a Currey personality. It is difficult to describe how we can see his personality on that little screen, but we can. I just love those ultrasound moments. They make me want to meet him even more.

I had one main question/concern for Dr Shope. Our goal is to have a live birth (knowing that he may only live for minutes). With T18, it is common to have fetal demise in utero. My question is; how will we know when to induce Timothy? We need to induce before he has signs of distress but at the same time, give him as much time to grow and develop as possible.

After discussing my concerns for a few minutes, Dr Shope decided that the best plan of care would be to start weekly visits. I will have an exam at each visit and plan an induction when my body is ready (starting to dilate/efface). I am hoping to continue this pregnancy until at least 38 weeks, but I am preparing for an earlier delivery. Since I am already 32 weeks, this means I have less then 6 or 7 weeks to go.

I have been experiencing quite a bit of fear lately. I am really trying not to allow that fear to overcome me, but I am scared. I want to be okay with Gods outcome but I find that my selfish desires are getting in the way. I want to see Timothy while he is alive. I don't know if that is part of Gods plan. I don't know how to give up that desire and I don't know if I want to give up that desire. I know that this is out of my hands and, in the end, I will have to except Gods plan. I find myself fighting with him. I want him to give me those hours that I so badly desire. But I know that He knows the bigger picture and knows what is right for us. I need to accept his decision. I need to allow myself to give everything to him right now.

Please pray that I do not become paralyzed with fear as we wait for Timothy to arrive. Pray that I will give my desires to God and have the willing heart to let go when asked. Pray that Timothy continues to grow and that my polyhydramnios doesn't get out of control. Pray that Dr Shope will make the best medical decisions he can for Timothy and myself.