Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Doctor Appointment and Ultrasound

I had my appointment with Dr Shope today along with a formal ultrasound. This was my 8th ultrasound in the last 15 weeks. I was told that Timothy weights about 2 lbs 14 oz. Most babies his age weigh closer to 4 lbs. He looks like he is doing well right now. My fluid levels are high (polyhydramnios), and his growth are my biggest concerns at this time. He, of course, is the cutest baby ever. He has a Currey personality. It is difficult to describe how we can see his personality on that little screen, but we can. I just love those ultrasound moments. They make me want to meet him even more.

I had one main question/concern for Dr Shope. Our goal is to have a live birth (knowing that he may only live for minutes). With T18, it is common to have fetal demise in utero. My question is; how will we know when to induce Timothy? We need to induce before he has signs of distress but at the same time, give him as much time to grow and develop as possible.

After discussing my concerns for a few minutes, Dr Shope decided that the best plan of care would be to start weekly visits. I will have an exam at each visit and plan an induction when my body is ready (starting to dilate/efface). I am hoping to continue this pregnancy until at least 38 weeks, but I am preparing for an earlier delivery. Since I am already 32 weeks, this means I have less then 6 or 7 weeks to go.

I have been experiencing quite a bit of fear lately. I am really trying not to allow that fear to overcome me, but I am scared. I want to be okay with Gods outcome but I find that my selfish desires are getting in the way. I want to see Timothy while he is alive. I don't know if that is part of Gods plan. I don't know how to give up that desire and I don't know if I want to give up that desire. I know that this is out of my hands and, in the end, I will have to except Gods plan. I find myself fighting with him. I want him to give me those hours that I so badly desire. But I know that He knows the bigger picture and knows what is right for us. I need to accept his decision. I need to allow myself to give everything to him right now.

Please pray that I do not become paralyzed with fear as we wait for Timothy to arrive. Pray that I will give my desires to God and have the willing heart to let go when asked. Pray that Timothy continues to grow and that my polyhydramnios doesn't get out of control. Pray that Dr Shope will make the best medical decisions he can for Timothy and myself.


The Wagner's said...

All I can say is that we'll continue to be prayer warriors for your family, and are here for you in whatever other ways you need- please don't hesitate to let us know if there is anything we can do.

mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mom said...

You did a wonderful job on you blog. I will continue to pray. Love mom

Angie Smith said...

I am praying for you. So glad you wrote me! Please, please feel free to write any time you need a listener who understands where you are. In the meantime, know you are prayed for, thought of, and appreciated. And that little pumpkin is a dollbaby!!! What a great 3-D picture!!!

Manfred Boy said...

Hi Greetings from Singapore I was blog hopping when I chanced upon yours. I am sorry to hear about Timothy and would like you to be strong.

I have a similar experience like you. But I lost my son Marcus when I was pregnant with him at 28 weeks. My gynae noticed that he was missing a brain fibre called cavum septum pellucidum and also some other things. Marcus was injected something to his heart to make it stop and I was told to give birth to him naturally. I was devestated and could not accept the truth.

But I told myself that I must be strong and that Marcus would want me to be strong too.

Will pray for Baby Timothy to be happy. :)