Several people have noticed that I have been a little absent on the blog lately. First, I want to let everyone know that I am doing well. I have been spending a lot of time trying to think things out. My emotions fluctuate frequently. There are moments that I feel like I can't take another breath, then others times when I feel that I can get through this...
I would like to apologize...I have noticed that I'm having hard time staying involved with friends and family right now. I can't really explain why, except to say that I need some "time off". It can be hard for me to be "real" with everyone or even to just chit chat. If you have called me, or emailed me and I haven't responded I would like to say I'm sorry. Please forgive me and don't give up! Your support means the world to me and I don't want anyone to feel like I don't need you. I do, more then ever; I just don't have the strength to give much more right now.
I can't even tell you how often people tell me how strong I am. I am not strong. I'm happy to tell you that my support system is very strong. My husband takes good care of me and keeps me going. He doesn't make me feel bad when I haven't been able to clean the house or make dinner (pizza night!). He knows when I am having a bad day and will come home from work early, or he will cancel a much needed round of golf to be with me. My children have a way of put things into prospective for me. They have the innocence to show me how to love Timothy and, at the same time, accept his loss. And Karen always knows how to make me laugh, allows me to cry, and is willing to give me a kick in the butt if I need one.
I have also found a lot of strength through this blog. I don't know how many readers I have, or how often they pray, but after I have posted specific prayer requests I feel a sense of peace come over me. It feels like I have been lifted up in prayer. I am able cope with my emotions and think more clearly.
I still struggle with my desire to have some time with Timothy while he is alive, but I am also ready to be happy just to hold him.
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This is Timothy's life. He is our precious son, our 4th child. Although he has Trisomy 18 and was not with us for very long, he is loved and cherished. We would like to dedicate his life to the Lord, for He has truly blessed our lives.
I love to recieve letters from blog readers like you. Please feel free to email me at> jcurrey519@gmail.com . Although it is difficut for me to respond to every email, I do enjoy reading them all.
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5 comments:
Thank you for being so sincere, Jen. You continue to be constantly in my prayers.
I love you so much. No apology is needed. You have been courageous through this journey that isn’t quite over yet. You are a great strength to those around you as they are to you. The Lord will get us through this somehow. My prayer is that when Timothy meets the Lord we can some how rejoice in our sorrow that he is with the Lord and we will one day all be together. I know that isn’t much comfort right now but maybe someday it will be. Love mom
OK, so I commented on the other post before noticing this blog! :-D Silly me... Funny that you said exactly what I said, that I'm glad you're giving specific prayer requests and that you are definitely being prayed for (by MANY people). I'm glad you can feel a slight lightened load after you post your blogs and feel as if you're being prayed for, because you most definitely are!
Thank you for being so open through all of this. Feel free to let me know if you want a girls night out!!! (which I realize is the opposite of what you said in this blog, but still!) :-)
Glad to know that I'm your designated butt-kicker! Thank you for being mine. My kitchen floor needs to be mopped, how about yours?
You are definitely being prayed for by so many- thanks for being so honest and transparent to those of us who desparately want to be there for you, but don't really know how! I love when you post specific prayer requests so that we know how best to pray for you! We love you guys!
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