Monday, July 7, 2008

God's timing and prepairation

During these last few months I have had several conversations with friends and family about how God has spent so much time preparing me for our special child.

I would like to share this story with everyone.

It begins 14 years ago before I became a nurse. I began working at PICC (Pediatric Interim Care Center) with drug addicted infants. I learned how to care for babies that are in pain and have some very special needs. I loved helping these babies, and after I received my nursing license I chose to follow in this field by getting job at Mary Bridge Children's Hospital. Working at the hospital was a wonderful and emotional time in my life. I loved and bonded with some very sick children. These children were affected by many different problems. Some with cancer, cystic fibrosis, biliary atresia, as well as numerous other medical problems. I gained medical knowledge about how to care for children with long term illnesses, and as I was caring for these special kids, I watched and learned a lot about love and devotion from their families.

After working at "The Bridge" for nearly 3 years I went to the the funeral for a very special little girl, Grace. She was 4 years old and died after struggling with leukemia for about a year and a half. I was working the first day she was admitted and diagnosed, and I was there the day she died. She made a huge impact on my life and after she died I decided that I needed a change of pace.

I began my current job in OB/GYN. I love working with pregnant women. I love their joy when they get their first baby picture, hear the babies heart beat, and find out the gender. However, I quickly found out that not all pregnancy's have happy endings. I saw a different side of pregnancy. A side filled with reoccurring miscarriage, prenatal diagnosis, preterm delivery, and even infant loss. I walked with my patients through some very dark days.

Now that I look back I can see why God placed all of these events in my life. He was slowly preparing me.

God knew what I needed in my life right now. He gave me 3 busy little children to keep me on my toes and keep me living. He blessed me with a wonderful husband that loves me dearly. He put friends and family in our lives to support us. He gave me joy, laughter, and a messy house that needs constant attention.

Before Kevin and I choose to conceive Timothy, I believe that God spoke directly to my heart. I can only describe that feeling by telling you about a conversation I had with a friend.

About 4-6 weeks before we conceived I was talking to a friend about my fears of having another child. I told her that I believed I was going to have a child that was going to die. A child that has something like Downs Syndrome but fatal. We agreed that was an odd fear but Kevin and I should talk, pray, and follow Gods leading. Kevin was also having similar fears, but we both felt lead to have Timothy.

Some of you might wonder why we chose to have another child after such a real fear was placed on our hearts. I can honestly tell you that I wonder the same thing at times. I know that I love Timothy. I don't know how long he will be with us or who will be impacted by his life but I do know his life will be blessed with love.


Myers 3 said...

God answers prayers BEFORE we even know what to pray, and so we continue to pray... you are VERY loved!

The Earnhardt Family said...

He has already made an impact and an imprint on our hearts and lives... It is truly amazing how all the events have occured to help prepare you for this. I'm SO sorry that the preparation was for something so extremely tough... You have made it so far, it's unbelievable! Your family is in our prayers constantly - "myers3 " is right - you are VERY loved!

Michelle said...

It's already been said, but Timothy and the Currey family has already impacted MANY! Thank you for allowing God to use you in so many lives!

The Wagner's said...

I echo earlier thoughts- that the preparation for this is SUCH a God thing, that Timothy's life, however long, has impacted many, many lives, and I absolutely believe that though you and your family, it will impact SO many more, probably more than you'll ever even know. It doesn't make it any easier, and our hearts just break thinking about what you've already gone through, and what you will go through. But we SO love you, and will be there with you, and hopefully God will help all of us know how best to do that.

The Finnestad Family said...

It feels like that conversation was last week, when in reality it occured last October!! This journal entry was beautifully written and I can see how God has been preparing hearts "for such a time as this." You are an amazing Mom and together you and Kevin are an incredible couple. We will be there every step of the way.

New Mom and Dad - to-be said...

One of my favorite names of God is Jehovah Jireh, which is more than just "God the Provider," but "the God who sees ahead and provides." I love that. And His hand has already been so apparent in your life. Thank you for sharing. Your faith in this journey has been such a testimony! To think of all the mothers out there who will be touched by your ministering to them in the future, having already been where they are (or will be)... Jehovah Jireh at work once again. Although not an easy road, by any measure... Praying you will continue to find the comfort and strength in His soveriegn, loving presence... and grace for each moment along the way...

Jennie Bender said...

I believe the same thing about myself. After confirming my pregnancy at home, my heart was so sad. That was startling--to say the least! I love children! I am with little ones all week--why the sadness?

Looking back, I know the Holy Spirit was sad for me (the Bible says, SURELY, he has born our griefs and carried our sorrows...Isa. 53). It never left.

After her diagnosis, I knew why the sad was there. God is so good. He had prepared my heart.

Even in her death I gleaned from my Christan mother's words--nothing from a book, simply her words rang in my ears as she taught me in white bobby socks and patent leather Mary Jane's--what happens when a person dies.

I remember that conversation (I was 6), like I am still in that funeral home looking at death as it rested quietly on my great uncle. I still go there in my mind.

My mother taught me that the Lord leaves the body for us to love (tears were running down her face), to say goodbye.

That his INSIDE person, his soul, had gone into the presence of the Lord,

That a funeral was for the living, not for the dead,

That we would hear the songs,

we would remember the love we have for this one,

That we would hear the Word of God and know that for a Christian, death means--"To be absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord."

Timothy has taught you so many wonderful things, he has taught others, and great rewards will be reaped if you (and I) follow the Lord and refuse to be angry and miss what the Lord has for us. It is hard, it is still hard. BUT--Great things are in store--I await that day! Love to you!