Thursday, May 29, 2008

Prayer request

I would like to send a prayer request to all of our prayer warriors. This weekend will prove to be a hard one for us. We will need everyone in prayer to get us through.

It is time for us to start making some big decisions for Timothy. First, we need to put our birth plan together. Unfortunately this means making major medical decisions before we even meet him. We have been thinking and praying about these decisions for a while but it seems so final to put them into a written birth plan. I know that we can change the plan at any time but the point to making it up a head of time is so we are making the best decisions for Timothy not for us. One example would be; we have to decide if we would like full CPR given at birth including intubation or if we would like to allow him to pass peacefully from our arms into Jesus' hands.

We have an appointment with the funeral home to make final arrangements and plan to go to the cemetery to see "baby land".

I have already purchased a couple of preemie outfits in case something happened without warning, but we are going to go shopping for Timothy's special outfit, and a couple other special items. After we are done with all that Kevin and I plan on going out on a date night.

This has been a difficult week for me. Each day that goes by is a day closer to Saturday. I haven't been able to do much around the house. I have spent a lot of time on my couch looking out the window. No real thoughts in my head, just staring into space, crying at times and numb at others.

I can't really describe to you how it feels to make these plans. It is something that we shouldn't be doing. I don't want this to happen. I want this to be a dream so I can wake up and have Timothy...to keep. My heart is broken and although I have my good moments I know that the unavoidable is approaching.

I know that these plans will be taking affect in the next few weeks. I will have to go to the hospital. I will have to say hello and goodbye. Most likely they will be said in the same day. If God allows, we might have some time with Timothy and be able to bring him home. I would love to be able bring him to church and dedicate him, as well as introduce him to our friends. But even if we are blessed to have him for a short time I know that he won't be with us for long. And I grieve the thought of loosing him.

Here are some specific prayer requests for us:

That my children will have a great time with grandma and grandpa, and I won't worry about them.

That Kevin and I are able to come together and agree on both medical decisions as well as final arrangements.

That Kevin and I draw together and lean on each other.

That God gives us strength.

and

That we are able to look back on this day with peace and joy.

6 comments:

The Earnhardt Family said...

I just can't imagine... We greive for you, and you will remain in our prayers, this weekend especially as you are making very difficult decisions. May God fill you with his comfort and peace, and give you & Kevin unified minds and an unshakable bond & love for each other thru this excruciatingly trying time.

Michelle said...

Definitely praying for you.

The Wagner's said...

You'll be in our every prayer. Our hearts SO hurt for you, but we'll be praying that His heart will just enfold your family, and give you the peace that only He can give you right now and through this whole experience, and that somehow you'll find moments of joy to keep you going. Please let us know if there is anything else we can possibly do for you.

Myers III said...

Your trying times are some of the greatest testaments, not only for an unbeliever, but also for a future mother and sister in Christ. I love the example you set, as you don't seek to make decisions on your own, but seek the one who created this child, the one who formed the stars and every drop in the ocean, he knows the beginning and the end, and you will be greatly rewarded for honoring him first and foremost. Continue to strive, God is definately being glorified in what you are expressing and acting out in faith, our prayers are with you.
Grace and peace to you.

New Mom and Dad - to-be said...

My heart grieves deeply for you... I can't even imagine... You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.... praying the peace of God, which transends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.... (Phil. 4) and that you will feel God's loving arms holding you through this time, through the grief and incredible loss...

In His love,
Michelle

stacyjanelle said...

Sending you lots of love and hope for the future...